Humour

Wife is like a TV, Girlfriend is like a MOBILE . At home u watch TV, But when u go out u take ur MOBILE. No money, u sell the TV, Got money u change ur MOBILE. Sometimes u enjoy TV, But most of the time u play with ur MOBILE. TV is free for life, But for the MOBILE , if you don't pay, the services will be terminated. TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable. Operational costs  for TV is often acceptable, But for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding. TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't. Most importantly, MOBILE is a  two-way communication  (u talk and listen), But with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not). Last but not least .. TVs don't have viruses, But MOBILEs often do!

Can you guess the meaning of their action without reading the last para?  No cheating!   A young guy out on the town with his mates, spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar, he finally gets up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening. Saturday night, the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy. To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry...." she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you though, they are both deaf mutes." With this, she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable, as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his armchair watching football ...

A successful business man was growing old and   knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.   Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you." The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with   what you have grown from the seed I have given you.   I will then   judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be   the next CEO." One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed.He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted   the seed. ...

It has long been contended that there are male Jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex Jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.            I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it And men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.             A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her Girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was  so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.          The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare  and walked directly toward her. (As All men will.) Before she  could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over  and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything,  that you want me to do, ...

A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake on the phone. The salesman asked him what message , he wanted to put on the cake. He thought for a moment , and said, put "you're getting older, but you're getting better". The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?" The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom. When the cake was unveiled ,at the party , all the guests were aghast at the message , on the cake. It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"!! Moral of the Story: 1. Always proof-read everything before you send. 2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.

LAST ONE FOR TODAY > > Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new > Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a > deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a > jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the > localpolice station. > The conversation went like this: > > "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" > "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. > Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so > kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?" > Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a > smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people > took care of last rites!" > > There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Fa...